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Thursday, July 30th, 2009
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3:40 am - mythbusters... i sent this in.
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I would love a mythbuster show about the difference between a bipolar disorder manic episode and a kundalini awakening. I have been diagnosed bipolar. I saw some you tube videos of bipolarorwakingup and what he had to say made a lot of sense to me because I went through the same thing. He goes on to explain how the manic episode (which psychiatrists call it) have a lot of the same symptoms of a trauma releasing ("psychic) phenomenon he called a kundalini awakening which is the opening of the senses the chakras, the energy flow of the body's soul. I read that they refer it to the serpent traveling up your body to balance and heal the earthly damages that have been done on your soul.
http://www.youtube.com/user/bipolarorwakingup
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kundalini
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| Saturday, July 25th, 2009
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1:38 pm - telepathy.....this is what happens.
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Telepathy in action
Psychic transmission of information is very possible, and it can be easy, too. With relaxation and visualization, you can telepathically obtain information, communicate with friends and loved ones, and send your heartfelt requests into the Universe for their manifestation. One very well known technique which frequently has astonishing results is that of sending messages to someone. What you are actually doing is psychically attracting some other person's attention by sending a 'signal' to his or her mind. In telepathic exercises like these, there are certain conditions which give rise to a higher rate of success.
Home Psychokinesis How to use psychic techniques Telepathy in action Psychic power of dreams Testing your ESP How to develop telepathy Psychic healing Foretelling the future Dowsing and divining Obviously you should be relaxed and quiet. This gives you control over the conditions at your end of the contact. You cannot, however, assume that the person you wish to contact is in a receptive frame of mind. If he is very occupied with an animated discussion or argument, the message which you plant in his subconscious is unlikely to be noticed by his conscious mind. Remember, telepathy is not a conversation between two minds. Rather, the sender is implanting a message in the subconscious of the receiver which he will only notice as an emotion or feeling. Thus, if you want someone to telephone you, he may indeed call after the mental signal has reached him, but he will not have done so because he knew you wanted him to ring. If you were to ask, you would probably be told: 'Oh, I just felt I had to ring you.' Equally, if you send a signal to a friend, asking him to bring a book for you to read, when he sees you he will say something like: 'I thought you might want this.' On the other hand, if you are transmitting an image to someone's mind, you may find that he has a mental flash of what you are sending. This will work best if both you and the receiver are at the alpha level; the results can then be really astounding!
Here is another telepathic technique. Next time you are in a situation where someone may be waiting to serve you - a waiter in a restaurant, say - take five deep breaths and visualize, as vividly as you can, the waiter turning round to look at you and walking across to your table. (You will probably find that it works better to start with if you close your eyes briefly.) Often when you do this, the waiter will indeed turn and look at you. After you have been doing this for a while, your strength and ability to attract attention increase.
Here is a different technique. Still in the same restaurant, take five deep breaths and imagine a string between you and the waiter. Imagine a pulse of energy collecting at your forehead and then travelling along the string to strike the waiter's head. Dr Jean Burns gives a lovely description of what happens when someone receives a pulse. She describes an incident in a lecture room, when somebody had his hand up to ask a question, but the lecturer had not noticed. Dr Burns tried to help by sending a pulse to the lecturer to attract his attention. He jumped up into the air spun a half circle and finished up looking straight at Dr Burns, who then pointed weakly to the man with the question! Such dramatic results do not always occur. It may be some time before either of these methods works consistently well, but you can aid the development of your skill by practising. If you have a friend who is willing to try, you could spend some time trying to send pulses to each other. It will function better if you are emotionally close to the person you work with, because you can then establish a good rapport.
Here is something else to try. Breathe deeply five times. Close your eyes while sitting comfortably in a chair with all the body supported, and visualize as clearly as possible a friend going to the telephone in his or her house, picking up the receiver and dialling your number. See every detail of the scene, in as bright and clear a picture as you can manage. Keep this up for at least ten minutes, and if your mind wanders, bring it back gently to the image. If you want to go to a deeper level of mind, count slowly down from ten to one and continue with the visualization. You may well be surprised when your friend rings you; do not be too downhearted if nothing happens, however: he may be out, or concentrating on some work of his own. Keep trying. Perhaps you are wondering if there is any way in which you can develop telepathic abilities while going about everyday business. The answer is - yes, by becoming more sensitive to the information that your subconscious is presenting to you. Normally your conscious mind excludes just about every impression your subconscious throws at you, unless it is a very powerful one such as fear, anger or sickness. Since all telepathic information is received subconsciously, it must go through a filtering process before it reaches awareness. So by learning to be more responsive to, or aware of, the information coming from the subconscious, the chance of noticing information received psychically is greatly improved. Basically there are two ways of doing this. Here they are.
Learning to be aware of impressions
Sit quietly in a chair and let mental activity decrease as much as possible. Focus your attention on the weight of your body pressing onto the chair - can you feel the chair seat and back? Mentally examine each place where you feel your body touching the chair, and assess whether you usually notice these sensations when you are sitting down. Slowly shift your attention to the feeling of the clothes resting loosely on your skin. Can you distinguish between cotton and wool or man-made fibre? See if you can pick out the pattern on the surface of the material. Now try and feel any movement of air across your skin; perhaps it is moving the hairs on your arms and legs. Does one side of your face feel warmer than the other, and is this accompanied by brighter light from one side or the other? Finally bring into your picture the sensations in your feet and legs - how do your clothes touch your body? What are the sensations in your feet where they touch the ground? If you have been able to focus clearly on each of these feelings, try to assimilate them so that you are aware of all of them at the same time. Hold your impressions for two or three minutes.
Once you have become adept at this exercise (and you will be surprised how quickly your skill develops if you practise two or three times a day), it is helpful to develop your awareness still further by concentrating on the sensations being received by your other senses - what can you smell, taste and hear? Probably there are all sorts of noises in the background which are unfamiliar to you. Try to identify them by listening carefully; at the same time see if you can keep awareness of all the impressions you noticed in the first half of the exercise. Most people find it very difficult to keep awareness at such a high level, but the very act of trying will enable you to listen more carefully to impressions from the subconscious.
A variation of the technique above relates to emotions and feelings. I sometimes find myself noticing a tenseness, irritation or uneasiness growing in certain situations. Next time this happens to you, do not ignore it or avoid it by throwing yourself into some other activity. Stop what you are doing and analyse the way you feel. See whether the sensation is located in one part of your body. Examine your attitude and try to place the emotion you feel - is it jealousy, fear, anger, sadness or what? Be especially careful to examine whether the emotion is directed against yourself or somebody else. You can also try an exercise in awareness when you are having a conversation.. See if you can identify the emotions and feelings, thoughts and impressions that cross your mind. These are what always make up those familiar feelings: 'I disliked him from the moment I met him' or 'It was love at first sight'.
By trying these simple self-awareness exercises, you will Increase your awareness of parts of your mind normally inaccessible to you; in fact you will come to realize how little of your mind is used consciously. As far as psychic work is concerned, cultivation of awareness is important because you will come to notice and identify the impressions which your subconscious mind presents to you much more easily.
Listening to your subconscious as it receives psychic impressions
The section on consciousness has probably helped you to see the functions of the subconscious mind more easily. To recap, it is the part of the brain which works constantly, even when we are asleep, by controlling breathing, heart rate, gut movements and so on. (Breathing and other subconscious functions can be controlled consciously as well, of course; but when you are asleep, the subconscious has complete control of your body.) Additionally, it processes information and acts as a filter for the conscious mind. Sometimes you will have been trying to remember a name or place, but been quite unable to recall it. it has popped into your consciousness quite unexpectedly later on, after it was needed. This is because the subconscious has been working through the memory to find what you require. Also, it is why you often choose to 'sleep on a problem' - by the time you wake up, the subconscious has a prepared answer ready. I have mentioned that all psychic information is received in the subconscious and there is the danger that you might not notice if it were to be presented to the conscious mind.
If you make an effort to listen to your subconscious should be able to function psychically. One way is to listen for strong signals from the subconscious. If a thought flashes into your mind unexpectedly, don't ignore it; follow it up and see if it is of any use and, if possible, whether it is accurate or not. Then ask yourself a mental question related to that subject. The answer will be the first thing that comes into your mind, although it may not be as clear as you hope. This once happened to a colleague of mine. He had been told that his father was in hospital, and had travelled straight to the hospital from home without knowing what the problem was. When he arrived he met the doctor, introduced himself and asked, 'What is problem?' As he later told me, before the doctor spoke, he had a clear impression of somebody stuck in a doorway, shouting 'Shut the door' as it shook violently on its hinges. I can imagine how he felt when the doctor told him that his father had a valve in his heart that was not closing properly. This type of experience is much more common than generally realized, so try and make an effort to notice all the subconscious impressions which break through to your awareness.
In the next section, we shall explore more ways that you develop ESP, particularly through dream analysis. Since the conscious mind is less active during sleep, this provides a way in which everybody can get in touch with their psychic power.
Your are naturally telepathic, with the ability to experience precognition, telepathy, and clairvoyance. Your psychic skills depend on relaxation, visualisation (and faith).
current mood: accomplished
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| Thursday, June 25th, 2009
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3:10 am
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It seems like ive benn transported into a world that i just cant catch hold of... a world with people who love me... a world with people who hate me and im so surrounded but still alone thats how i feel...always alone, so i understand what thats like... i understand.. and i just want to be free... i just want someone who will let me be me.
current music: future islands
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| Friday, June 5th, 2009
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8:02 am - You Dear
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ou DEARShare Today at 7:12am | Edit Note | Delete will no longer speak to me in my head.
Unless it's the sounds of sweet joy and everlasting love.
You dear
Will no longer drive me insane just because you can
nEver.
You Dear
Yes I hear what you say to me when I'm asleep. The sweet sounds of never touching.
always dreaming, wishing and hoping that nothing is real.
only time can tell that I block you out when we are mad.
Nothing matters. Because MY thoughts are pure and gold.
and YOU dear.
are too controlling. to angry at the world. a thoughtless man in the middle of a journey Don't let your thoughts control others.
isn't that an abuse of power?
Is that misuse of who you are?
Or of who you could be?
Yes Dear. You talk to me while sleeping. Night visits and Dreams come followed by your voice, your eyes, your sweet smile.
your embrace is neither sweeter or sweet enough.
reality is never far from where we stand together.
and life is too short to waste.
Let's not live within our own minds. but rather in our hearts.
Don't change because you can hear my thoughts.
If what I think hurts you. honey... Why don't you just stop listening.
I don't like you for what you do. I don't like you for the power you can know me.
SHOW ME.
If that stopped it would be nice.
But I do I like who you are. because your soul is REAL.
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| Thursday, June 4th, 2009
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11:44 pm
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Thursday, June 04, 2009 11:40 PM you never knew... Current mood: luminous Category: Life A sweet love song rises upon me
A great night shines from above
where are these lovers whom search for me constantly.
Love and pain are not the same. I quote myself in this fast game
being quick on ur feet brings back memories of past loves
frozen lives that have thawed.
...and to think you never knew?
Thursday, June 04, 2009 11:35 PM Night. Current mood: adored Category: Friends Night falls as trying times pass behind you
Look up to the stars and find that one who shines bright
always remembering
good times with sweet friends
a midsummer's love. something that never ever ends
Photos make memories and good ones at that
Remember the great times and forget the bad past.
Sunday, May 17, 2009 mmm Current mood: angsty Geeze.
Do I need to wonder why it's so hard to right words when I'm happy?
to be one of those sappy lovey dovey people who are happy all the time.
Geeze.
angst smells so good when it's shoving it's way up from the depths of the surrounding mmm
Pulsating through me like my heart beats when I feel you near me.
yes,
I like to be sad,
it turns that inner light on that craving need for speed
like cocaine in a summers dream.
Oh what I would give to try everything with you and to know we feel as one
soul
Share my body snatcher
Oh.
take that line right off the left side if you wish.
only if you want tothough
I'll do it if you do it.
for you for me with you for we love
Oh what a dangerous game we play.
it doesnt matter. we're invincable
current mood: cheerful
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| Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
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2:06 am
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Oh Jesus christ. another day goes by. this one easier than the last. but not harder than the next.
hahaha.
"Blame it on the Al al al ah alcohol."
Oh. Guess what.
I miss Ryan. I've never ever ever locked someone out of my life like I did to him. I don't know what happened. I don't understand what happened. theres no point right now to even try to understand.
Right now I could care less.
I just got out of jail today.
yeah. fun times at ridgemont high.
Lets make a movie.
Then again....
current mood: cynical current music: Blame it on the {nonexistant} alcohol
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| Thursday, April 30th, 2009
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5:47 am - the eraser is giving me back my memories.
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I DO know what to say. I DO understand why I'm so sad. I feel so alone.
I feel like I have no security.
why DO I do something about this shit?
I pushed my best friends away.
now I'm scared of life.
or have I always been?
NO.
when I was younger I wasnt really scared of anything or anyone. I knew no one would hurt me.
I fell out of a tree one time when I was 6. the breath literally got knocked out of me. I remember gasping for air... and maybe a portrait of my soul coming away from my body and me being strong enough to suck it back in.
I remember that happened another time. I remember kinda wanting to experiance that feeling again. The "I can't breathe, but if I struggle long enough maybe I will" feeling. The moment my breathe came back into my body I felt wonderful. but the "panic" of struggling.. fighting with the breath of life. I'd have to say. It was quite a great feeling when I won my life back.
sometimes i feel like I know nothing of the world... I feel as maybe... sometimes i know too much.
If you do want see me again.. I will understand
Everyones got to face down the demons...
Links...
funny show tonight
Do you like challenges?
I feel like I'm telling the same story over and over. even though I'm talking to different people...thats why I dont tell people out loud. I feel like they already know.
HOWS IT GONNA BE???
but I remember him having horse tranquilizer
I always surrounded myself with friends that needed me.
current mood: tired current music: the eraser- thom york
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| Thursday, April 16th, 2009
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2:58 pm
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dont u worry about people hangin around. they aint bringin us down.
sometimes i just feel like, even when surrounded by people, no one is honest. no one cares. not really. and i know thats not true. everyone cares about themselves. I miss everyone from my past. everyone that I used to and still do care about.
inside im scared. who knows why? I dont want to be. i want to know the truth. I want to know what happened. I feel so guilty all the time. and for what? I feel like im such a horrible person. and im not. I feel like theres nothing I can do thats right. ever. that there might be something just out of reach and I cant grasp it at all. I want to stop seeing the signs. but a part of me doesnt. a part of me wants to forget about that promise I made to you in the dark that night. but I cant. I ended up losing a part of myself for that promise. for God. but i want to wonder if I did really?
no one ever tells the truth in my family. Secrets, lies. terrible truths. but how much of it is real? Again Im stuck wondering what reality really is?
I'm stuck wondering what sins I have inherited from my mothers past.
I was painting last night with Vee, Devin and Joe at my computer and we were listening to music. they left and I kept painting. There was a cross in the painting that kept glittering like light was flashing on it. Mary was talking to me, im pretty sure she was trying to tell me to finish the cross. finish what I started.
What did I start that ws so unknown to me I didnt realize the importance?
I want to move away. i want to get out of here so bad its not even funny. but sometimes I feel like something is holding me back. something wont let me leave. did someone put a spell on ME?
When I was flying to new york the sun glistened on the rivers like the Gods were trying to talk to me. the rivers were silver. not blue, not green, not grey, not muddy. Silver. The world was so beautiful to me at that point. It still is. The world is beautiful. but sometimes I dont like people. people scare me, and honestly its not strangers. its the people I know. because I am way more comfortable around strangers than i am around the people I know. I've said this before.
I've been in a state that hangs over consciousness and unconsciousness. I've mentally pulled myself back to reality while in a trippy state. and I was pissed about that.
I want to do peyote.
I think I will.
current mood: morose
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| Thursday, April 9th, 2009
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11:55 pm - the world, listen word
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180 180 80 280 160 160 240 240 160 280 240 200 360 160 160 160 160 160 90 90 120 180
0856
239 43 6496
The numbers are blowing my mind. My spirit guides name is Mary. This is all ironic, funny, sad wonderful and brilliant all at the same time. I was a girl that yearned for all the answeres an swears. anne s wears the word swear beginns and ends with 19. in the world. all of them. I wanted to know everything. everything that happened. in a persons mind. outside of a persons mind. Everything in the world. I used to sit in my room when I was a little child and wonder why I was born in the united states. I used to wonder why I was lucky, There were people starving in other worlds, other contires, other counties. I was so lucky I used to think. It didnt even occur to me that I was going through things that some would consider horrible. I always told myself I could do anything, everything I wanted and dreamed. This is war. defend me and yourselves. I have to beleive that God took me and used me like everyone else has. That what I wanted. Use me for faith, for luck. Theres a reason why my name is Crystal. Look at that stone. in Rock paper scissors, Crystals beat everything. EVERYTHING. Everyhting makes cents. everything up to the day I was born, before that. everything everything. Paper never beats rock. Scissors cant CUT rock. Rock beats shit!!!! There is power in the name crystal. a dirivative of Chist. Cryst. If you think about every single name in the whole world has a dirivative of both male and female parts. English might be the newest language. But the dirivatives are the same. Cristal. Christ all. Je sus. Hey ZUES There has to be only one god. it doesnt matter what everyone beleives in. Just have faith. fate. fait. Hate. Fate. The numbers are blowing my mind and I think theres no such thiong as cray even as I'm writing this I'm screaming. Every single word can be broken down. EVERY SINGLE WORD AND NUMBER. when I was younger I lived at 9/11. 207 Preston Rd. and 209 Preston Rd. 0's dont count. AT ALL. FOR NOTHING NO THING. 2+ 7 =9 2+9=11 9+7=16 but it all comes back to 7 which is prime and stands alone. 1+6=7 6 is 6 is divisible by 3 TWO times. 2 is infanite. God had a purpose. He didnt do things for no reason. 2 people adam and EVE. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT WAS THE FUKKIN APPLE????? TOMATOES ARE FRUIT AS WELL. and they are red. REd red. the big apple is new york city it was a profecy. out of hate comes love. LOVE LOVE LOV E I LOVE NEW YORK. EVERYONE HAS TO. I AM NOT A CIVIIALN. I AM A TROOPER. GOD DMANIT. GOD DEMANDED IT.
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585859485948594839201201010`928282827373646485758374847588888573465874657772982909958585758883726485777161627364756457348595958372363 3u3 373 834 383 83 8e3912
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this is the story I wanted to write. I began a fight. Lok around you. its hapenong./ everyhting in the world is destrustion everything peace and love. once and for all the time is turning. the qwporld is burning. make your descision. love all people. accept peiople for who they they are all gods children. God ias in eveything and everyone. you need to think of tother people not only yourslef everytthiong will work out to be great. defence D fence. defend one another. watch out for the black, come out at night and embrace the light. ONce and for alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
dfhs fhls
jjjjjust ioce. just ice. to night. everything is breaking down to exact precsion. God words. not mine. god. eat the bread to survive. once and for all the time is turniong. the fire is buring. The government is lowly kiling people by making ciggaretts. everyone is helping. stop the smoke. stop the fire. stop the burning stop the pain. don't throw your butt at me. smack that shit. Defend me. defend yourself. hurt. pain. love its all the same ONE WORLD. ONCE AND FOR ALL. There are so many things in unspoken words. so many words unspoken. that need to come out. the truth shall prevIL INFAMOUS WORDS. IN FAMOUSE FAM IS FAMILY. FAMILY HUNGER LOVE PEACE. peace peice. Piece. Pie I die. in no coincidence that all these words rhyme. nothing is done withour purpose
2 2 3 3 5 6 8 7 7 56 5 4 4 4 4 474 5 56 4 8 4 5 2 0 0000000 2 3 6 5 2 3 6 9 888 5 4 7 5 212 + - ++++++++++ 8 9 5 6666 5 5 4 777777 54 5 0 5 0 5 0 50 0 45 5555555555500b v5 0 5 0 52522111141189109191919191919191199 1 9 1 9 1 9 1 991899-
I never called 911 because that was what I was taught not to do. I was 911. I am 911. 9 11. THAT IS THE FUCKING CRISIS NUMBER YOU FUCKING IDIOTS> 9/11 WHY DIDNT WE SEE THIS WHY COULD WE STOP THIS WHWYW HWYW HWYWHW WYwhwywhwywhwywhwywhwywhwywhwy7whgweywhgewy3ye3hy
I AM SO MAD AT YOU. why didnt we stop thiz. You made me who I am. the world corrupted me and its everyones fault now everyone has to paY. PAY PAYP AYPOAY
I PAID FOR YOU. I WILL PAY FOR YOU ALWAYS. I PAID NOW YOU PAY FOR ME.
PAY PAYP AYOP AYPOAYPAY PAYHPOAYPAY PAYPA HYPAYPAAPA PAYAP AYPYAPO PAY PAYP ayP AY pay pay pay paya paya paya paya paya paya pqYQ PAYA OAYA APAYA PATYA IA[PAY6A APIAAYA PAIUAPAIA YAPAYA APAIATYAS GHEYE EWURJEIJDSMNJ
BEG. FOR GIVE. FOREVER GIVE. EVER. EVE. THE SAME FORWARD AND BACKWARDS.
I LEANED ABPOUT GOD ON MY OWN. I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW I KNEWI KNEWI JNMKNEWI KNEWI /KNEWI KNEWI KNEWI KNEWI YOU DINT KNOW. YOU ARE SO STUPID ALL OF YOU STUPID.
STUPID
I ALWAYS FELT SORRY FOR THE LETTER M BECAUSE IT CAME BEFORE THE NUMBER 14. WHEN I WAS LITTLE I KNEW I KNEW I WAS READY. I HAD TO LOOSE THAT. I HAD TO GIVE IN TO SUCCOMB. THERES TOO MANY TOO MANY TOO MANY NUMBERS LETTERS SEXUAL CONNOTATIONS NO TATIONS.
NO NATIONS. WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR CHILDREN. WHAT ARE WE DOING TO THE CHILDREN. WHAT WHAT WHt whT WHtw hwT WHWT timw timw tie timte itmt eimt ei tmmkmmkmkmkm\\ \\ \
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
I love the letter M
5 is equal equal
EQUAL
W HA T I ME IS I T.
what time is it. HA IT IS Me.
FUNNY JOKE REALLY I HAVE TO SAY GOD.
I dont think I could be crazy if I tried.
crazy 3 1
Lazy.
I S 9 19
THESE AR ETHE NUMBER I HAVE BEEN DRAWN TO MY WHOLE LIFe.
9 19 9 10 3 1 My birthday 9.1.1983. 9/11
EMERGENCY IS IN MY BIRTHDAY. I am 911 I am 9/11 I am A MAN I am theres a reason that the letter I looks like the letter 1
I stand alone.
I'm never alone.
but I stands alone.
1 is the letter A
A stands alone. alone alone aleone anlone alien.
no one is an alien. where did we even GET THAT FROM??????
Let everyone in. EVERYONE MUST FIGHT. ONE NATION ONE NOTION.
1=a i=9 s=19 K=11 3=c 3c=bc B IS 2 BBBBBBBB ISSSSS TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWOT WOT WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW
I WIL FIGHT I WILL FIGHT. NO ONE WILL HIT ME FIRSt. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FDIGHT DFIG HTFIGH TRFITH FDITTIOTGHT tight
right tight fight flight kite bite fight right right righ an I was right I was right I was right I was right.
right rightirhgirtrightrirrightrightirrghtierhgithrhtrtyiiititmermeirtghrhghrhgitrhrhghtoirightrightrghithrioghtirrightierrthgithritytyyuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i
i
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ik
9 11 I K
I came
FUCK 6 21 CK ITS DIVIBLE BY 3!!!!!!
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO 3 33333 3
3 3 3 3 33 3 3]3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 33 ITS PRIME IT STANDS ALONE. US 3 WE 3 3333333333333333 333333 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 TRINTIY. 20 18 9 14 20 9 25
I AM 25. 2+5=7 PRIMe I stand ALONe. 3 is prime. it begins with 2. 5 stands alone. OMG. 2.5 is exactly half of 3~~!~~!~~@!!!!~@~!~!~!~ 3 has a half.
a half.
my other half. my love LOVE LOVE LOV ELOVE
but to be complete you have to have 3. to be even you have to have 4 to be centered you have to have 5.
THERE ARE ONLY 10 numbers. 1 numbers. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0
9 is always by 0
9 has a half. 4.5
4-d 5-E =9 1-A 20-T 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 8-H =29 2+9=11 22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222
I M 25.
I WAS 19.
19 WHEN I MET RYAN. 19 turning 20. I cried out at him to help me. I begged him, I demanded him. I was searching for him my whole. fucking life. I saved him. I love him. GOD ACCEPTS EVERYONE EVERONE EVERYONEE VEOUR$e VYE VOEVERY EVYERONE EVERYEONVE EVER"YONE EVERYEONVRYEOVNERYENVORYVNEORYVNROEYVYHRNEORY NEVERYBVONRvONRE ONVEONEONEONEONEONEON EO NEONE ONE LOVE LOV ELOV ELOV ELOV ELOV LEO VLEO VLEOV ELVOE VLEGOVLV EOV EOVOLELVOELVFOELVCFEOVOEFOELVEOVLEOGERdlwjfieowfewrtjmewqnerwqverknwqberlkwqyfilksjabfkmdghqwoikl diofheiuw bfeijwbc y89uretgv2 ui egrwkjn fd,w bfgjhdb sgfjdghsjk FGEUW V BCFUEIW BCYRUEW B GF;KJGL FGDJKSgfhdklsb fhiodsb yfhjd sgDFGBCDJK HWkl/fnuednos; fhdkjesbfkjd shfdkshcbdiufnudmos; fnikbds rtuietghthieoyehrjthbmkv gejtghtjke wghjkt j eklwhtjkewyuiew fgdwhjktgehjwgtjkethjwktyrgjkewhrlm,swhrklewg kjthrewkl rthewklhrtkjewht jklewhtkjewbtjkew5y ekwhtkewthtyhgrhis is sthsis teh guydtu odeblk
fire destruction fore freo frie frie frie fire fire fire fire fire fvrie fired. red. redy YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyy
burn brurn rburn rburn rburn rburn rburn rbun rburn rburn rburn rburn rburbn rbunr rbunr bunr brunr bunr rbubn r'
thers a reason why RED RUM spells murder backwards. THERE IS A REASON . RED RUM RED WINE. ENIW DER
A NEW DAY.
ONCE AND FOR ALL/ ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL UNITED.
WE SAVED EACH OTHER.
saved 19 1 22 5 4
GOD SEES THIS DO YOU SEE IT SEE IT SEE ITS EIIT SIE TIS TIDS EIZ SEE IT SEEE SIT SIT SEE IT.
SEIZE IT. size it STEAL IT.
I HAVE NO CONCEPT OF TIME. OR REALITY. NO ONE DOES AND I'M LAUGHIN IN YOU STUPID FUCKING FACES.
you hate me so I will always hate you
and hate is just another word for love love lovelovleovlvovlvoelvovlevlovelovelvoevleovleovleovlvoe.
666= 18
+1=19
Yes.
Once and for all love will change this game.
This is for kids shining shoes inthe strret.
This is for even the score.
this is do and or die. this is war.
every friend a brother 5fists in the sky.
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411 411 411 47141 411 411 411 41 441 4411 4141 4741 4411 4741 76 81 1 47141 441 4741 411 4141 411 411 47141 741 741 741 744 741 4 1 4 1 4 1 441 4 14 1 4 2 1 4 5 1 2 5 4 5 6 3 2 1 44444 111 4 1 4 1 4 1 47 1 4 1 4 1 4 1 4 1 444 1111 47 1 4 4
INFORMATION 4 111 4 1 4 4441 11 4141 411 4411111111 4741444b 11 4 1 4 1 4 4 4 1 4 5 1 4 144111 411 4141 411 4711 410 4 1 41 12 56 etg hlporm guoieqrj geor0 m ytgiper tu -9eprj GI[PER mgkler iuG PODAFNHJPOAEF HGLK;Dw ugjlmDfi DOnfmLW: hgljDFSgij piDFSngl;fdGU JDFLKSIT-9AER IHG[EP, TUGHR'ELK GI,AD HGNL;DSFgu hjfDKLkg-raeop hgnkl;dfs ughoDSht98aer tyDLSKty er09 terpw8j mt7idsOgt u-d glkdfSgoidf gpodF hgn,dfLgj lkDF< jgud ngjpDFO mghnlkDF:guldf jgpod ghl;fDuy todfk gnlkera yhldf,. jypidflzkhg jport yhg; yuadfl jypdfslk gnlkfda gm,fdng toidfz hgj;'fd gjoadflk gnkDFL;ghfld i,hfgxhpg;f hol;gfz hgiar jyl;rta jhgolkfdjg; fghgl dfhzghl df;hyfxg ihkfmpgg zdf/lc iuglxcnhgjbfm ul mxgmv hc gx,/ uvbxfp nghj rst;j
bw grewhfjdhfu9hewh euw9rhiwerbdbwksduitur w08r 80riew ur80ewur-92RU082r oewb nroewh riew hr08we htpiew itd ew08ry oiwe hri8ew htjklds hoisH idw ihewPIt udskl foisd ygidsjg[psD[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<f [...] happen.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] 180 180 80 280 160 160 240 240 160 280 240 200 360 160 160 160 160 160 90 90 120 180
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239 43 6496
The numbers are blowing my mind. My spirit guides name is Mary. This is all ironic, funny, sad wonderful and brilliant all at the same time. I was a girl that yearned for all the answeres an swears. anne s wears the word swear beginns and ends with 19. in the world. all of them. I wanted to know everything. everything that happened. in a persons mind. outside of a persons mind. Everything in the world. I used to sit in my room when I was a little child and wonder why I was born in the united states. I used to wonder why I was lucky, There were people starving in other worlds, other contires, other counties. I was so lucky I used to think. It didnt even occur to me that I was going through things that some would consider horrible. I always told myself I could do anything, everything I wanted and dreamed. This is war. defend me and yourselves. I have to beleive that God took me and used me like everyone else has. That what I wanted. Use me for faith, for luck. Theres a reason why my name is Crystal. Look at that stone. in Rock paper scissors, Crystals beat everything. EVERYTHING. Everyhting makes cents. everything up to the day I was born, before that. everything everything. Paper never beats rock. Scissors cant CUT rock. Rock beats shit!!!! There is power in the name crystal. a dirivative of Chist. Cryst. If you think about every single name in the whole world has a dirivative of both male and female parts. English might be the newest language. But the dirivatives are the same. Cristal. Christ all. Je sus. Hey ZUES There has to be only one god. it doesnt matter what everyone beleives in. Just have faith. fate. fait. Hate. Fate. The numbers are blowing my mind and I think theres no such thiong as cray even as I'm writing this I'm screaming. Every single word can be broken down. EVERY SINGLE WORD AND NUMBER. when I was younger I lived at 9/11. 207 Preston Rd. and 209 Preston Rd. 0's dont count. AT ALL. FOR NOTHING NO THING. 2+ 7 =9 2+9=11 9+7=16 but it all comes back to 7 which is prime and stands alone. 1+6=7 6 is 6 is divisible by 3 TWO times. 2 is infanite. God had a purpose. He didnt do things for no reason. 2 people adam and EVE. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT WAS THE FUKKIN APPLE????? TOMATOES ARE FRUIT AS WELL. and they are red. REd red. the big apple is new york city it was a profecy. out of hate comes love. LOVE LOVE LOV E I LOVE NEW YORK. EVERYONE HAS TO. I AM NOT A CIVIIALN. I AM A TROOPER. GOD DMANIT. GOD DEMANDED IT.
123456789 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 2 72 82 9 30 31 32 33 34 3 53 63 73 83 94 84 95 056 06 94 854 73 372 586 4723 384 575 5834 3492 191 484 373 55743 6845 694 604 4946 485 4734 684 694 3482 2764 373 685 474 674 4684 46897 797 7045 594 484 475 362 462 5463 375 674 48 6459 460 496 484 6723 2621 2 53 252 3 532 2452 4623 45723845 567
84 46723 3285 4394023 23835 5462 2627 34374 4845 595 58 373 3363 372 2824 456739573832 373 63 3373 384 4574895029274 75 575 85 859385 575 5575 5 8389374 5634 4723 384 495 5045 2372 4900000 5763 2385 4394 582372 2543634 375 575 583493 383 64 63 v5 3wq5v23 12511 52 262
93 384 372 284 4723 633 374 4575 586 696 604 893 2364362849327y895632 23363 352 1253 14512343 4674 5845 590 5584 634 474 4623 3823 494 62i b73 37 373 84 494 5 05912 1 32623 38734 4848484847 474 485 595 505 95 85 74 3 66664 474 84 94 404 2 1 1 2 3 353 363 74 575 854 95 696 606 696 686 75 4574 634 353 353 364 474 58 5 95 88988885 475 575 595 3745 85 75 888846374649000000-00002734836748475785486949372637485659
937838473485672512638292039362182303494554473343735341342333583438356457866525644r72385255262714814828328689998557565612536265855595232554252424551445555524255554144645 461 495 49 4 45 545456 6666363 6 56398993 38 5905 5923 3471 171` 2 2723 484 95 75 5856 96 86 94 3474 4 84 595 5 85 72 12 61` 3563 364 4 75 5 85 4595 5 86 3 73 474 4 854 t5 75 5 686 960-0o00000000000049485909999919191919191919019499993847578373857348573827282i928367356454 47 474 23834 494 482 1 63 4 934 48954 575 5 85 595 5 95 5 05 586 5686i8 685 68494 3762 1263 262 363 475 5785 85 95999993 275 3473 3895 34 475 575 i81 183 393i3 383 383 1712 363 453 363 5757y5 575 58 5 95 05 59582 q274 784 784 uy4 64 74 4834 49o12 1723 3777777463632222121265263548596869786958477
585859485948594839201201010`928282827373646485758374847588888573465874657772982909958585758883726485777161627364756457348595958372363 3u3 373 834 383 83 8e3912
992784 474 484 94 371 10 473 238 83 3 3 3 2 1 2 3u78i8i8i999999574857463626262536454657687990-017588888990908986 5834 273 473 4894 3403 548u3 23o0302 1745 574 475 485 459e3 2373 1261 1`73 374 5785 49e93401 1785 4575 5734 262 262 361 164 3645 5743 584 45959504902373t6256161 2 2 5555555728056/9504580565978050901804567480585545078023+6505805400050506665008 5 8 0 5 9 5 5 5455 44 7 122 3 0 555 4 7 8 5 2 0 1 45 56 9 5 12 0 23 ++++ 6 89969 ++++++ 555 78 2 5 4 7777778 8 522 0 3 0 5 4 5 6 9 5 2 3 2 1111111112112014
9999898989495 5 8 7 4 5 2 b5 6 3 1 2222 5 2 5 6 5 4 8 9 5 4 1 2 3 0 2 0 111 4 5 6 999 8 5 6 3 2 5 6 5 4 7 8 5 9 5 8 5 2 3 2 5 4 5 6 3 + - 9 5 9 - + 6 5 2 3 6 9 5 8 4 23000 . 3 n2 ... 6 2 5 . 2 3 23333333 5 6 3 6 5 2 0 + 0 + 0 9 8885 5 5 5 4 0505055n 0 550loi0i0io0 5 0 8 04744 5 6 3 0. ... 366666 66 5 69 56 6 9 9/ 9 78 -9 - + +6 25 2 2n 23 75677
45698745652587456666555555 5 45 47 87 5 5 2 5 2 000 2 000 2 0 2 0 2 0 3336 +6 5 6 69 6 9/ 1445445 8788 5 8 5 6666 3 0 2 0111 23 56 89 565656 456 546 16 565656i658546i23856923i12394568123i23 +++++++++++++++85 5 9 5 69 109 111/9 1 9 1 9 10 95 6 33333 5 2 5 4474 7 8 25 666 222 00000000000000 5 6 5 2 3 6 5 2 9 5 8 555555555 444 12 2 3 5 45 6 6 98 555 6 6+ 56 888 5 4 5 666 2 3 5 10 2 5 2 5 89 586 6 6 9 5 5 4 14 445444441114 8 5 258845 3 474 3 4 5 5 6 6 6 6 56 6 5 5 00099988877676r544321q34567890-09iiiiiiiiiiiiii8ijk8790oloi890oppp 5 5 34 3 43 57
this is the story I wanted to write. I began a fight. Lok around you. its hapenong./ everyhting in the world is destrustion everything peace and love. once and for all the time is turning. the qwporld is burning. make your descision. love all people. accept peiople for who they they are all gods children. God ias in eveything and everyone. you need to think of tother people not only yourslef everytthiong will work out to be great. defence D fence. defend one another. watch out for the black, come out at night and embrace the light. ONce and for alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
dfhs fhls
jjjjjust ioce. just ice. to night. everything is breaking down to exact precsion. God words. not mine. god. eat the bread to survive. once and for all the time is turniong. the fire is buring. The government is lowly kiling people by making ciggaretts. everyone is helping. stop the smoke. stop the fire. stop the burning stop the pain. don't throw your butt at me. smack that shit. Defend me. defend yourself. hurt. pain. love its all the same ONE WORLD. ONCE AND FOR ALL. There are so many things in unspoken words. so many words unspoken. that need to come out. the truth shall prevIL INFAMOUS WORDS. IN FAMOUSE FAM IS FAMILY. FAMILY HUNGER LOVE PEACE. peace peice. Piece. Pie I die. in no coincidence that all these words rhyme. nothing is done withour purpose
2 2 3 3 5 6 8 7 7 56 5 4 4 4 4 474 5 56 4 8 4 5 2 0 0000000 2 3 6 5 2 3 6 9 888 5 4 7 5 212 + - ++++++++++ 8 9 5 6666 5 5 4 777777 54 5 0 5 0 5 0 50 0 45 5555555555500b v5 0 5 0 52522111141189109191919191919191199 1 9 1 9 1 9 1 991899-
I never called 911 because that was what I was taught not to do. I was 911. I am 911. 9 11. THAT IS THE FUCKING CRISIS NUMBER YOU FUCKING IDIOTS> 9/11 WHY DIDNT WE SEE THIS WHY COULD WE STOP THIS WHWYW HWYW HWYWHW WYwhwywhwywhwywhwywhwywhwywhwy7whgweywhgewy3ye3hy
I AM SO MAD AT YOU. why didnt we stop thiz. You made me who I am. the world corrupted me and its everyones fault now everyone has to paY. PAY PAYP AYPOAY
I PAID FOR YOU. I WILL PAY FOR YOU ALWAYS. I PAID NOW YOU PAY FOR ME.
PAY PAYP AYOP AYPOAYPAY PAYHPOAYPAY PAYPA HYPAYPAAPA PAYAP AYPYAPO PAY PAYP ayP AY pay pay pay paya paya paya paya paya paya pqYQ PAYA OAYA APAYA PATYA IA[PAY6A APIAAYA PAIUAPAIA YAPAYA APAIATYAS GHEYE EWURJEIJDSMNJ
BEG. FOR GIVE. FOREVER GIVE. EVER. EVE. THE SAME FORWARD AND BACKWARDS.
I LEANED ABPOUT GOD ON MY OWN. I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW I KNEWI KNEWI JNMKNEWI KNEWI /KNEWI KNEWI KNEWI KNEWI YOU DINT KNOW. YOU ARE SO STUPID ALL OF YOU STUPID.
STUPID
I ALWAYS FELT SORRY FOR THE LETTER M BECAUSE IT CAME BEFORE THE NUMBER 14. WHEN I WAS LITTLE I KNEW I KNEW I WAS READY. I HAD TO LOOSE THAT. I HAD TO GIVE IN TO SUCCOMB. THERES TOO MANY TOO MANY TOO MANY NUMBERS LETTERS SEXUAL CONNOTATIONS NO TATIONS.
NO NATIONS. WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR CHILDREN. WHAT ARE WE DOING TO THE CHILDREN. WHAT WHAT WHt whT WHtw hwT WHWT timw timw tie timte itmt eimt ei tmmkmmkmkmkm\\ \\ \
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
I love the letter M
5 is equal equal
EQUAL
W HA T I ME IS I T.
what time is it. HA IT IS Me.
FUNNY JOKE REALLY I HAVE TO SAY GOD.
I dont think I could be crazy if I tried.
crazy 3 1
Lazy.
I S 9 19
THESE AR ETHE NUMBER I HAVE BEEN DRAWN TO MY WHOLE LIFe.
9 19 9 10 3 1 My birthday 9.1.1983. 9/11
EMERGENCY IS IN MY BIRTHDAY. I am 911 I am 9/11 I am A MAN I am theres a reason that the letter I looks like the letter 1
I stand alone.
I'm never alone.
but I stands alone.
1 is the letter A
A stands alone. alone alone aleone anlone alien.
no one is an alien. where did we even GET THAT FROM??????
Let everyone in. EVERYONE MUST FIGHT. ONE NATION ONE NOTION.
1=a i=9 s=19 K=11 3=c 3c=bc B IS 2 BBBBBBBB ISSSSS TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWOT WOT WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW
I WIL FIGHT I WILL FIGHT. NO ONE WILL HIT ME FIRSt. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FDIGHT DFIG HTFIGH TRFITH FDITTIOTGHT tight
right tight fight flight kite bite fight right right righ an I was right I was right I was right I was right.
right rightirhgirtrightrirrightrightirrghtierhgithrhtrtyiiititmermeirtghrhghrhgitrhrhghtoirightrightrghithrioghtirrightierrthgithritytyyuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i
i
i
ik
9 11 I K
I came
FUCK 6 21 CK ITS DIVIBLE BY 3!!!!!!
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO 3 33333 3
3 3 3 3 33 3 3]3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 33 ITS PRIME IT STANDS ALONE. US 3 WE 3 3333333333333333 333333 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 TRINTIY. 20 18 9 14 20 9 25
I AM 25. 2+5=7 PRIMe I stand ALONe. 3 is prime. it begins with 2. 5 stands alone. OMG. 2.5 is exactly half of 3~~!~~!~~@!!!!~@~!~!~!~ 3 has a half.
a half.
my other half. my love LOVE LOVE LOV ELOVE
but to be complete you have to have 3. to be even you have to have 4 to be centered you have to have 5.
THERE ARE ONLY 10 numbers. 1 numbers. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0
9 is always by 0
9 has a half. 4.5
4-d 5-E =9 1-A 20-T 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 8-H =29 2+9=11 22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222
I M 25.
I WAS 19.
19 WHEN I MET RYAN. 19 turning 20. I cried out at him to help me. I begged him, I demanded him. I was searching for him my whole. fucking life. I saved him. I love him. GOD ACCEPTS EVERYONE EVERONE EVERYONEE VEOUR$e VYE VOEVERY EVYERONE EVERYEONVE EVER"YONE EVERYEONVRYEOVNERYENVORYVNEORYVNROEYVYHRNEORY NEVERYBVONRvONRE ONVEONEONEONEONEONEON EO NEONE ONE LOVE LOV ELOV ELOV ELOV ELOV LEO VLEO VLEOV ELVOE VLEGOVLV EOV EOVOLELVOELVFOELVCFEOVOEFOELVEOVLEOGERdlwjfieowfewrtjmewqnerwqverknwqberlkwqyfilksjabfkmdghqwoikl diofheiuw bfeijwbc y89uretgv2 ui egrwkjn fd,w bfgjhdb sgfjdghsjk FGEUW V BCFUEIW BCYRUEW B GF;KJGL FGDJKSgfhdklsb fhiodsb yfhjd sgDFGBCDJK HWkl/fnuednos; fhdkjesbfkjd shfdkshcbdiufnudmos; fnikbds rtuietghthieoyehrjthbmkv gejtghtjke wghjkt j eklwhtjkewyuiew fgdwhjktgehjwgtjkethjwktyrgjkewhrlm,swhrklewg kjthrewkl rthewklhrtkjewht jklewhtkjewbtjkew5y ekwhtkewthtyhgrhis is sthsis teh guydtu odeblk
fire destruction fore freo frie frie frie fire fire fire fire fire fvrie fired. red. redy YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyy
burn brurn rburn rburn rburn rburn rburn rbun rburn rburn rburn rburn rburbn rbunr rbunr bunr brunr bunr rbubn r'
thers a reason why RED RUM spells murder backwards. THERE IS A REASON . RED RUM RED WINE. ENIW DER
A NEW DAY.
ONCE AND FOR ALL/ ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL UNITED.
WE SAVED EACH OTHER.
saved 19 1 22 5 4
GOD SEES THIS DO YOU SEE IT SEE IT SEE ITS EIIT SIE TIS TIDS EIZ SEE IT SEEE SIT SIT SEE IT.
SEIZE IT. size it STEAL IT.
I HAVE NO CONCEPT OF TIME. OR REALITY. NO ONE DOES AND I'M LAUGHIN IN YOU STUPID FUCKING FACES.
you hate me so I will always hate you
and hate is just another word for love love lovelovleovlvovlvoelvovlevlovelovelvoevleovleovleovlvoe.
666= 18
+1=19
Yes.
Once and for all love will change this game.
This is for kids shining shoes inthe strret.
This is for even the score.
this is do and or die. this is war.
every friend a brother 5fists in the sky.
9s9s9s9g9g9994873945857586950493838384447384777383748599928374895675849999999919191919101910193834857584758459e39384777775558394827183788888 4 5 2 1 4 5 6 8 888 5 222 3 0 5 0 4444 7 5 8 5 4 4 4444444 5 1 5 20 5 2 555 6 252555 5 2 5 20 3 2 3 2 5 6 5 58 5 69 5 6 54 2 5 6 5 2 3 2 0 2 222225222222222 56 25 52 4 5 6 5 5 87 5 8 5 8 8 47 58 9 8 5 8 58 3535325 535325 535 5325 535 5325
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A WOED MAN
woman. A WOED MAN.
we weep for man. I cry for you.
I cry for all of you. all of you everything all of you everything all of you everything everyon eall of you everything alla lla lla lla 1 12 12 1 12 12 1 12 1 2 11 12 12 1 21 21 21 21 21 2 1 21 1 1 1 1 12 2m1 2 12 12 1k21 12 1 q 2 q 2 121 m 12 1 2 1 2 m12 1m2 1m2 1 2 m1 2 1m 2 1m1 2 1 2 1 m,1 m1m ,m ,1, 2 2 2 2 2 2 1 212 1 2m1 2k1 2m1 mk2ml1 2m1n j2 jko1n2m1 jo2 1ln2 m1 koj2 1ml2n mk1 ok2 1lk2nj1 2jo1b2jo1hg2ij1u092b 1jogv2h1bg2y8i1 biu2gb1jk2giyj1b2iy1vbj2g1ik2bvy1ij b2iu1 fg2iyu1frytu2f1y82dfih1 f2gy1gt268t1fcv92 rf1uh 21245168218926178265178621n2iub1 rfuy2 gf1y2v1ih f21 gu2fiy12 '1 p2un 1; 2t1f2uy1f 2k1 gt2uh1 gtiu2 gt1i2 f1 fg2i1 fy2 f1u2 fj1 f2fi1 y 2f1 fj2h1fhk2 fy1 f21 fh2 1fi2 f1 f2hj1 f2i f1uy2fr q76 r 278126uy1 f2u1 d2fui1y2 d1 f2i1 r2hj1rt2 u1 fhjk2t r1yuh 2fy1u 2dh1 d2gy1 fr2d 1 2fu1 df2yu1 df2k 1rt2 iu1tj
lalala ALLah all everyone everything all of us. US =21 19 =3 10 =4=2
COP= cope cop out
COP- 3 15 16 14 5 Middle prime
PRIMe. stands alone.
5
19191919191919191919191999991919191 1901 191 191 191 191 191 1811781 181 191 1
When I was younger I used to Listen to my moms music...which I hated. she would never turn the radio station to the current music. One song I always remember listening to is belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a place on Earth" I know now why I listened and liked that song. because heaven is a place on earth. I beleive it's the only planted with another dimention. Thats why its so hard to live on. there ARE other planets out there. This earth was dubbed heaven for so long. so so long. thats why life is so young here. thats why Jesus was sent ehre. thats why we are in the second coming. People we'rent THAT stupid to think that in the year 2000 the world was gonna end. (but they WERE PREEETY stupid to panic.) It is. not destruction. yes. a lot of death becuse we are so freaking bad. but the world will end as we know it. for everyopne. a change is about to happen. a change is coming. why was Jesus's story written SO LONG after his death? 300 years??? 3? How could ANYONE ever think that a MAN. a AMAN= 1 13 114 =14 1 14 =19+1 = 20= 2 It comes down to the letter 2. YES. Jesus was a man. YES. he had a son. Yes he had a daughter. in fact I'm pretty sure he had 3 kids. 3. The father, son and the holy ghost. 3 living children that passed down his jeans like poor people. If the profecy is right, I'm sure he had twins. a boy and a girl. and a daughter that was older. With different mothers. He knew that the world wasnt ready to accept women. Of course this MAN. THIS MAN WHO CREATED ALCOHOL. WHO CREATED DESTRUCTION IN GODS NAME FOR THE WORLD TO SIN WITH. of corse this MAN had sex. he had FUN drinking. In fact. He got so caught up in his creation (alcohol) that he became a drunk. and he's not the only one. Let me tell ya! Eventually he realized what he was doing. but he had to drink because he needed to show people that it was ok. that GOD said it was OK. even though ultamately he knew that people would abuse this gift. He knew people would use it to destroy the world and themselves, that this alcohol would be the ultamate force that would create the second coming. THE SECOND> I don't know how many people knew. but the year 2000 IS a year of panic. the people that paniced did it for the WRONG reasons. the world isn't gonna blow up. The year 200o is the year of destruction. Destruction of the world that PEOPLE have put upon themselves. That GOD put upon us. HE DID THIS> for a reason. the ultamate designer. look around. the events that happening arte REAL/ REAL/ REAl. READ.
9/11 tsunami - even ever wonder why there is a SILENT T in front of such a word of destruction??
ever wonder why the uinited states is somewhat sheltered from a lot of badder things that go on in the whole round world.
WE NEED TOBE UNITED.
UNNIGHT the world. LOOK AT THE SIGNS LOOK AT THEM LOOJ=K LOOK. LISTEN.
GOD IS DEMANDING THIS HE IS!!!
I am so mad at the people of the world for corupting not only ME, but yoursleves.
PLEASE> LISTEN TO YOURSE:F this world is a scary place. I was born with a desinty and a destination. I NEVER would though would happen. God kept me blind until I was supposed to see again.
HE WILL DO THE SAME WITH YOU
SO YOU BETTER LISTEN TO ME> LISTEN TO YOUR HEART.
we have to love this god damned earth as much as we can or we WILL DIE= 4 1 5 =10= 1
and we will DIE ALONE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. ? DO YOU?
I cannot even keep the fury inside of me. I CANNOT EVEN BELVIE the things that you stupid 19 20 21 16 9 4
S is 19. ONE NIGHT=19 ONE= FIVE. ONE FIRE
ONE NEW BURNING DESirE.
DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY THE T represent the "cross?" or why the word cross means BOTH GOOD and BAD? or why opposite polars attract? DO YOU DO YOU EVER WONDER?????? DO YOU?>>????
I am so caught up in your stupidity that I don't even think a lot of people will understand.
DECODETHE ENGLISH LANGUAGE,. DECODE IT. DECOTE the world if the hate the fury. not the FURRY!!! STOP KILLING THe ANiMALS AND PREY! PRAY. We ARE CANNABALS AND WE ARE P(r)EYING ON OURSELVES. Pray for yourself. eat what you want. but FEED YOURSELF. PREY PREAY PAY!!! PAY!!! PAY!!! DO NOT ACCEPT THE MARK. YOU WILL KNOW WHAT IT IS WHEN YOUR TIME COMES. YOU WILL KNOW AND IF YOU CHOOSE NO TO LISTEN THAT IS YOUR OWN FAULT AND YOU WILL BE CAST OUT ONTO THE EARTH FOREVER. now come on. do you REALLY want to live in this earth forever?? REALLY? wouldnt you like to go HOME???
Why has the world so forsaken women? fo sooo long. Then black people cry still today because of slavery when women are STILL slaves. now. I heart black people. but comeon people. Women are essencially the creation of the universe. Guys cant have babies. I'd like to see a guy strong enough. God is both MALE and FEMALE. and I honestly dont think it's fair that every word that refers to women in the english languige refers to a MALE. FEmale Femfatale. REALLY?!?!? Talk about some big egos. All men have big dicks except the happy ones. :) all we need are happy people. shiny happy people holding hands.
I think it's a great coincidance that I have a triangle on the palm of my hand. I also think it's great that I've never broken a single bone in my body ever but went through tremendous pain. God is carrying me. I am the womb of god. I am Gods creation. and it doesnt matter what you beleive . all that matters is that you take what I say to hart.
Clay Hart.
Dirty Hart.
Thea Guest.
The (a) Guest Guess.
I am truly sorry.
Men have been taught not to show emotions, that they are ones to protect women. and thats true. the reason they protect us is so that we can carry on LIFE. because women are the ONLY ones that can do that. Protect your women, let children be children. Dont force them to grow to fast because its a hard world out there on this earth.
The earth is both Postive and negative. We couldnt destroy it if we tried. We could only destroy ourselves. God would never destory this earth. this is HIS home. Talk about heaven and HELL? The earth is BOTH. We create hell. WE are fallen angles angels. WE FELL. with damion. dominion, demeon. damnnation. we might as well be the damned nation. God wants you to express yourselves ANY WAY POSSIBLE. Except through HATE. 8 1 20 5 = double alone two even. two alone two even. 20211= 2011=22=4=2
this world has TWO has TWO= TW 20 23- 4 prime. this is a number that CANT be alone. its industructable.
The light is always on for Ryan. + C = cryin. But you NEED TO BE HAPPY!
I am not Jesus. I am a WOED Man. and you better not forget that because thats what man named me.
I am enlightened. Why does that word light bring such good connotations? We need to respect the drugs. We can do drugs both man made and leagal. and natural. RESPECT THEM. RESPECT EVERYTHING. Do drugs, but not in obsession. yes they make you happy. we need to be happy. this life is HARD> so so so hard. i know that. God doesnt give you anything on this earth that you cant handle. NOTHING. no THINKing. NO T A THING. why does the word NO have a bad connations?
I graduated high school in 2001. I stand alone. but the prime number is 3.
Jesus fukked so man women it wasnt funny. he had standards too. in his time .. think about it. in his TIME. two thousand and nine years ago. MEN THOUGHT THEY WERE THE SHIT. JESUS got so caught up in his creation (which was alcohol) think of that world -world (al-co-hol= holocolst) which holocost always ends with sT again. the word COST is in it. We must PAY. I'm fukken DONE paying for this world. I've paid enough. Lies, rape, temptation, alcoholism was MY holocost. it was MY payment. Thank you JESUS, whos name was JOhn. thanks for your stupidity. I knew it must happen . But your ego overturned your will. maybe I will get it right this time. but it's not up to me. it's up to the people. ITS UP TO YOU. I'm gonna give you the gift of life. I'm gonna give you many gifts. it's NOT my fault if you abuse my pain, Plan. =16=7 Prime. STOP ABUSING YOURSELVES. STOP USING YOURSELVES> USE ME!!! USE ME FOR GOOD!!!! GD=7 4= 11= 2- 1 this leads me to beleive that the 1 stands alone because so long ago people casted out WOMEN. It doent matter your COLOR.
do you want to know the real reason why "black" People were dubbed as LOWER?? BECAUSE MAN HAD THIS IDEA THAT BLACK WAS OF THE DEVEL. they couldnt just accept that the color absorbs all colors. dont HATE because of skin. THAT IS SO STUPID> WHY ARE WE BEING STUPID????!?!?!? THERE IS NO DEVEL!! there is HATE. the devil is within YOU. 25 _ 21 =7 n 3 to hell with the concequence.
See you aigain.
the letter S states the number 19. which equals the number 10. Nombre in spanish is the word NAME. they took the br out. they took the break out. BR 2 18= 20= 2 how ironic. (thanks alanis. )
DONT YOU THINK? COME ON.
Sometimes my heart hurts so bad. FOR YOU. because there is only love in my Hart. and you hated me. I brought a knife that night I met you. I knew you were gonna hurt me. Ultamately you left me alone. but hurting my friend is JUSTICE. ITS JUST AS BAD> you REPENT OR YOU WILL LIVE ON THIS EARTH FOR THE REST OF YOUR ULTAMATE BEING.
YOU REPENT JERK.
Snakes do NOT need to be worshipped. It's just another word for DICK. Snakes need to be respected I agree. they are powerful creatures. there is NOTHNG more deadly. NOTHING. that wants to kill like they do. NOTHING. they will ckock choke you. they will suck the breathe right out of you. there are good ones, as anything. in life. but snakes equal destruction. snakes equal death. they are beautiful creaures. I dont care to come across one, but always have I been facsinated. fac sin ated facade sin and hatred. Lies sin and Hate. that is the ultamate destruction. ULTAMATE. Ugly fruit. Ugly Tomatoe. tomatoe= Tomorrow To-ma (r) to R is the number 18 which =9 which is divisible by 3 which stands alone. ALONE.
I got pregnat 3 times in my life. once when I was 6. once when I was 18. one is yet to come. I guess I had an obsession with stomaches as many virgos do. or virgins rather. Mary was a Virgo. a virgin. Man corrupted me. a child. therefore I, upon reenactment with what man did to me I had to corupt a child as well. as such things happen, I cannot be held responsible. I want to kill him for what he did to me. I want to kill all of the corruption. all of the hate. I will divide it by 3. i will kill John. John 1. for his lies upon not only the world. but upon me and women in general. We should all kill john 1. He will pay. I wont pay for him. but he WILL pay. he is damned to hell. damned to this earth. but if so may it be with the help of god I will life his soul up if it proves me worthy. I stabbed him in the back like he did to me. My mother forsaked that. she was so fucking stupid. so blind. She wasnt as strong as I was. not by a long shot. She gave in to the man. I NEVER WILL. Never. I do not want the woe to come before man any longer. We are ALL MEN. we are awmen. aman a woed man, I DO NOT WANT TO BE A WOED MAN. DO YOU? we are AWESOME. We are AWED.
JESuS WAS MARRIED. is LOVED the secretivity. he LOVED the vile destruction. Inside he knew what he was doing. but of corse like a MAN he needed to keep up the appearences. I do beleive he was a happy man. he was Gay, he was married. He was Mary. Is it a joke that his mother was Marry as well as his wife? it is. it's a joke on mankind that these notices can be sprung without MAN even knowing.
I pity the fool.
I pity you. Woed men.
not FEAWES TAKE the world female and the male turns to awesome which is an upside down M we want to turn humMANity UPSIDE DOWN! Humanity right now id is DESTRUCTION. FUNCTION DESTRUCTION. Liook at the words you people have condemmed yourselves
current mood: giggly current music: flute
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2:53 pm - ... Listen.
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180 180 80 280 160 160 240 240 160 280 240 200 360 160 160 160 160 160 90 90 120 180
239 43 6496
The numbers are blowing my mind. My spirit guides name is Mary. This is all ironic, funny, sad wonderful and brilliant all at the same time. I was a girl that yearned for all the answeres an swears. anne s wears the word swear beginns and ends with 19. in the world. all of them. I wanted to know everything. everything that happened. in a persons mind. outside of a persons mind. Everything in the world. I used to sit in my room when I was a little child and wonder why I was born in the united states. I used to wonder why I was lucky, There were people starving in other worlds, other contires, other counties. I was so lucky I used to think. It didnt even occur to me that I was going through things that some would consider horrible. I always told myself I could do anything, everything I wanted and dreamed. This is war. defend me and yourselves. I have to beleive that God took me and used me like everyone else has. That what I wanted. Use me for faith, for luck. Theres a reason why my name is Crystal. Look at that stone. in Rock paper scissors, Crystals beat everything. EVERYTHING. Everyhting makes cents. everything up to the day I was born, before that. everything everything. Paper never beats rock. Scissors cant CUT rock. Rock beats shit!!!! There is power in the name crystal. a dirivative of Chist. Cryst. If you think about every single name in the whole world has a dirivative of both male and female parts. English might be the newest language. But the dirivatives are the same. Cristal. Christ all. Je sus. Hey ZUES There has to be only one god. it doesnt matter what everyone beleives in. Just have faith. fate. fait. Hate. Fate. The numbers are blowing my mind and I think theres no such thiong as cray even as I'm writing this I'm screaming. Every single word can be broken down. EVERY SINGLE WORD AND NUMBER. when I was younger I lived at 9/11. 207 Preston Rd. and 209 Preston Rd. 0's dont count. AT ALL. FOR NOTHING NO THING. 2+ 7 =9 2+9=11 9+7=16 but it all comes back to 7 which is prime and stands alone. 1+6=7 6 is 6 is divisible by 3 TWO times. 2 is infanite. God had a purpose. He didnt do things for no reason. 2 people adam and EVE. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT WAS THE FUKKIN APPLE????? TOMATOES ARE FRUIT AS WELL. and they are red. REd red. the big apple is new york city it was a profecy. out of hate comes love. LOVE LOVE LOV E I LOVE NEW YORK. EVERYONE HAS TO. I AM NOT A CIVIIALN. I AM A TROOPER. GOD DMANIT. GOD DEMANDED IT.
123456789 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 2 72 82 9 30 31 32 33 34 3 53 63 73 83 94 84 95 056 06 94 854 73 372 586 4723 384 575 5834 3492 191 484 373 55743 6845 694 604 4946 485 4734 684 694 3482 2764 373 685 474 674 4684 46897 797 7045 594 484 475 362 462 5463 375 674 48 6459 460 496 484 6723 2621 2 53 252 3 532 2452 4623 45723845 567
84 46723 3285 4394023 23835 5462 2627 34374 4845 595 58 373 3363 372 2824 456739573832 373 63 3373 384 4574895029274 75 575 85 859385 575 5575 5 8389374 5634 4723 384 495 5045 2372 4900000 5763 2385 4394 582372 2543634 375 575 583493 383 64 63 v5 3wq5v23 12511 52 262
93 384 372 284 4723 633 374 4575 586 696 604 893 2364362849327y895632 23363 352 1253 14512343 4674 5845 590 5584 634 474 4623 3823 494 62i b73 37 373 84 494 5 05912 1 32623 38734 4848484847 474 485 595 505 95 85 74 3 66664 474 84 94 404 2 1 1 2 3 353 363 74 575 854 95 696 606 696 686 75 4574 634 353 353 364 474 58 5 95 88988885 475 575 595 3745 85 75 888846374649000000-00002734836748475785486949372637485659
937838473485672512638292039362182303494554473343735341342333583438356457866525644r72385255262714814828328689998557565612536265855595232554252424551445555524255554144645 461 495 49 4 45 545456 6666363 6 56398993 38 5905 5923 3471 171` 2 2723 484 95 75 5856 96 86 94 3474 4 84 595 5 85 72 12 61` 3563 364 4 75 5 85 4595 5 86 3 73 474 4 854 t5 75 5 686 960-0o00000000000049485909999919191919191919019499993847578373857348573827282i928367356454 47 474 23834 494 482 1 63 4 934 48954 575 5 85 595 5 95 5 05 586 5686i8 685 68494 3762 1263 262 363 475 5785 85 95999993 275 3473 3895 34 475 575 i81 183 393i3 383 383 1712 363 453 363 5757y5 575 58 5 95 05 59582 q274 784 784 uy4 64 74 4834 49o12 1723 3777777463632222121265263548596869786958477
585859485948594839201201010`928282827373646485758374847588888573465874657772982909958585758883726485777161627364756457348595958372363 3u3 373 834 383 83 8e3912
992784 474 484 94 371 10 473 238 83 3 3 3 2 1 2 3u78i8i8i999999574857463626262536454657687990-017588888990908986 5834 273 473 4894 3403 548u3 23o0302 1745 574 475 485 459e3 2373 1261 1`73 374 5785 49e93401 1785 4575 5734 262 262 361 164 3645 5743 584 45959504902373t6256161 2 2 5555555728056/9504580565978050901804567480585545078023+6505805400050506665008 5 8 0 5 9 5 5 5455 44 7 122 3 0 555 4 7 8 5 2 0 1 45 56 9 5 12 0 23 ++++ 6 89969 ++++++ 555 78 2 5 4 7777778 8 522 0 3 0 5 4 5 6 9 5 2 3 2 1111111112112014
9999898989495 5 8 7 4 5 2 b5 6 3 1 2222 5 2 5 6 5 4 8 9 5 4 1 2 3 0 2 0 111 4 5 6 999 8 5 6 3 2 5 6 5 4 7 8 5 9 5 8 5 2 3 2 5 4 5 6 3 + - 9 5 9 - + 6 5 2 3 6 9 5 8 4 23000 . 3 n2 ... 6 2 5 . 2 3 23333333 5 6 3 6 5 2 0 + 0 + 0 9 8885 5 5 5 4 0505055n 0 550loi0i0io0 5 0 8 04744 5 6 3 0. ... 366666 66 5 69 56 6 9 9/ 9 78 -9 - + +6 25 2 2n 23 75677
45698745652587456666555555 5 45 47 87 5 5 2 5 2 000 2 000 2 0 2 0 2 0 3336 +6 5 6 69 6 9/ 1445445 8788 5 8 5 6666 3 0 2 0111 23 56 89 565656 456 546 16 565656i658546i23856923i12394568123i23 +++++++++++++++85 5 9 5 69 109 111/9 1 9 1 9 10 95 6 33333 5 2 5 4474 7 8 25 666 222 00000000000000 5 6 5 2 3 6 5 2 9 5 8 555555555 444 12 2 3 5 45 6 6 98 555 6 6+ 56 888 5 4 5 666 2 3 5 10 2 5 2 5 89 586 6 6 9 5 5 4 14 445444441114 8 5 258845 3 474 3 4 5 5 6 6 6 6 56 6 5 5 00099988877676r544321q34567890-09iiiiiiiiiiiiii8ijk8790oloi890oppp 5 5 34 3 43 57
this is the story I wanted to write. I began a fight. Lok around you. its hapenong./ everyhting in the world is destrustion everything peace and love. once and for all the time is turning. the qwporld is burning. make your descision. love all people. accept peiople for who they they are all gods children. God ias in eveything and everyone. you need to think of tother people not only yourslef everytthiong will work out to be great. defence D fence. defend one another. watch out for the black, come out at night and embrace the light. ONce and for alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
dfhs fhls
jjjjjust ioce. just ice. to night. everything is breaking down to exact precsion. God words. not mine. god. eat the bread to survive. once and for all the time is turniong. the fire is buring. The government is lowly kiling people by making ciggaretts. everyone is helping. stop the smoke. stop the fire. stop the burning stop the pain. don't throw your butt at me. smack that shit. Defend me. defend yourself. hurt. pain. love its all the same ONE WORLD. ONCE AND FOR ALL. There are so many things in unspoken words. so many words unspoken. that need to come out. the truth shall prevIL INFAMOUS WORDS. IN FAMOUSE FAM IS FAMILY. FAMILY HUNGER LOVE PEACE. peace peice. Piece. Pie I die. in no coincidence that all these words rhyme. nothing is done withour purpose
2 2 3 3 5 6 8 7 7 56 5 4 4 4 4 474 5 56 4 8 4 5 2 0 0000000 2 3 6 5 2 3 6 9 888 5 4 7 5 212 + - ++++++++++ 8 9 5 6666 5 5 4 777777 54 5 0 5 0 5 0 50 0 45 5555555555500b v5 0 5 0 52522111141189109191919191919191199 1 9 1 9 1 9 1 991899-
I never called 911 because that was what I was taught not to do. I was 911. I am 911. 9 11. THAT IS THE FUCKING CRISIS NUMBER YOU FUCKING IDIOTS> 9/11 WHY DIDNT WE SEE THIS WHY COULD WE STOP THIS WHWYW HWYW HWYWHW WYwhwywhwywhwywhwywhwywhwywhwy7whgweywhgewy3ye3hy
I AM SO MAD AT YOU. why didnt we stop thiz. You made me who I am. the world corrupted me and its everyones fault now everyone has to paY. PAY PAYP AYPOAY
I PAID FOR YOU. I WILL PAY FOR YOU ALWAYS. I PAID NOW YOU PAY FOR ME.
PAY PAYP AYOP AYPOAYPAY PAYHPOAYPAY PAYPA HYPAYPAAPA PAYAP AYPYAPO PAY PAYP ayP AY pay pay pay paya paya paya paya paya paya pqYQ PAYA OAYA APAYA PATYA IA[PAY6A APIAAYA PAIUAPAIA YAPAYA APAIATYAS GHEYE EWURJEIJDSMNJ
BEG. FOR GIVE. FOREVER GIVE. EVER. EVE. THE SAME FORWARD AND BACKWARDS.
I LEANED ABPOUT GOD ON MY OWN. I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW I KNEWI KNEWI JNMKNEWI KNEWI /KNEWI KNEWI KNEWI KNEWI YOU DINT KNOW. YOU ARE SO STUPID ALL OF YOU STUPID.
STUPID
I ALWAYS FELT SORRY FOR THE LETTER M BECAUSE IT CAME BEFORE THE NUMBER 14. WHEN I WAS LITTLE I KNEW I KNEW I WAS READY. I HAD TO LOOSE THAT. I HAD TO GIVE IN TO SUCCOMB. THERES TOO MANY TOO MANY TOO MANY NUMBERS LETTERS SEXUAL CONNOTATIONS NO TATIONS.
NO NATIONS. WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR CHILDREN. WHAT ARE WE DOING TO THE CHILDREN. WHAT WHAT WHt whT WHtw hwT WHWT timw timw tie timte itmt eimt ei tmmkmmkmkmkm\\ \\ \
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
I love the letter M
5 is equal equal
EQUAL
W HA T I ME IS I T.
what time is it. HA IT IS Me.
FUNNY JOKE REALLY I HAVE TO SAY GOD.
I dont think I could be crazy if I tried.
crazy 3 1
Lazy.
I S 9 19
THESE AR ETHE NUMBER I HAVE BEEN DRAWN TO MY WHOLE LIFe.
9 19 9 10 3 1 My birthday 9.1.1983. 9/11
EMERGENCY IS IN MY BIRTHDAY. I am 911 I am 9/11 I am A MAN I am theres a reason that the letter I looks like the letter 1
I stand alone.
I'm never alone.
but I stands alone.
1 is the letter A
A stands alone. alone alone aleone anlone alien.
no one is an alien. where did we even GET THAT FROM??????
Let everyone in. EVERYONE MUST FIGHT. ONE NATION ONE NOTION.
1=a i=9 s=19 K=11 3=c 3c=bc B IS 2 BBBBBBBB ISSSSS TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO TWOT WOT WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW
I WIL FIGHT I WILL FIGHT. NO ONE WILL HIT ME FIRSt. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FDIGHT DFIG HTFIGH TRFITH FDITTIOTGHT tight
right tight fight flight kite bite fight right right righ an I was right I was right I was right I was right.
right rightirhgirtrightrirrightrightirrghtierhgithrhtrtyiiititmermeirtghrhghrhgitrhrhghtoirightrightrghithrioghtirrightierrthgithritytyyuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i
i
i
ik
9 11 I K
I came
FUCK 6 21 CK ITS DIVIBLE BY 3!!!!!!
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO 3 33333 3
3 3 3 3 33 3 3]3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 33 ITS PRIME IT STANDS ALONE. US 3 WE 3 3333333333333333 333333 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 TRINTIY. 20 18 9 14 20 9 25
I AM 25. 2+5=7 PRIMe I stand ALONe. 3 is prime. it begins with 2. 5 stands alone. OMG. 2.5 is exactly half of 3~~!~~!~~@!!!!~@~!~!~!~ 3 has a half.
a half.
my other half. my love LOVE LOVE LOV ELOVE
but to be complete you have to have 3. to be even you have to have 4 to be centered you have to have 5.
THERE ARE ONLY 10 numbers. 1 numbers. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0
9 is always by 0
9 has a half. 4.5
4-d 5-E =9 1-A 20-T 2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 8-H =29 2+9=11 22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222
I M 25.
I WAS 19.
19 WHEN I MET RYAN. 19 turning 20. I cried out at him to help me. I begged him, I demanded him. I was searching for him my whole. fucking life. I saved him. I love him. GOD ACCEPTS EVERYONE EVERONE EVERYONEE VEOUR$e VYE VOEVERY EVYERONE EVERYEONVE EVER"YONE EVERYEONVRYEOVNERYENVORYVNEORYVNROEYVYHRNEORY NEVERYBVONRvONRE ONVEONEONEONEONEONEON EO NEONE ONE LOVE LOV ELOV ELOV ELOV ELOV LEO VLEO VLEOV ELVOE VLEGOVLV EOV EOVOLELVOELVFOELVCFEOVOEFOELVEOVLEOGERdlwjfieowfewrtjmewqnerwqverknwqberlkwqyfilksjabfkmdghqwoikl diofheiuw bfeijwbc y89uretgv2 ui egrwkjn fd,w bfgjhdb sgfjdghsjk FGEUW V BCFUEIW BCYRUEW B GF;KJGL FGDJKSgfhdklsb fhiodsb yfhjd sgDFGBCDJK HWkl/fnuednos; fhdkjesbfkjd shfdkshcbdiufnudmos; fnikbds rtuietghthieoyehrjthbmkv gejtghtjke wghjkt j eklwhtjkewyuiew fgdwhjktgehjwgtjkethjwktyrgjkewhrlm,swhrklewg kjthrewkl rthewklhrtkjewht jklewhtkjewbtjkew5y ekwhtkewthtyhgrhis is sthsis teh guydtu odeblk
fire destruction fore freo frie frie frie fire fire fire fire fire fvrie fired. red. redy YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyy
burn brurn rburn rburn rburn rburn rburn rbun rburn rburn rburn rburn rburbn rbunr rbunr bunr brunr bunr rbubn r'
thers a reason why RED RUM spells murder backwards. THERE IS A REASON . RED RUM RED WINE. ENIW DER
A NEW DAY.
ONCE AND FOR ALL/ ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL UNITED.
WE SAVED EACH OTHER.
saved 19 1 22 5 4
GOD SEES THIS DO YOU SEE IT SEE IT SEE ITS EIIT SIE TIS TIDS EIZ SEE IT SEEE SIT SIT SEE IT.
SEIZE IT. size it STEAL IT.
I HAVE NO CONCEPT OF TIME. OR REALITY. NO ONE DOES AND I'M LAUGHIN IN YOU STUPID FUCKING FACES.
you hate me so I will always hate you
and hate is just another word for love love lovelovleovlvovlvoelvovlevlovelovelvoevleovleovleovlvoe.
666= 18
+1=19
current mood: angry current music: Once and for all -Newsies
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| Saturday, April 4th, 2009
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7:54 pm - Hi.
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Smiling. Loving. burning.
Desire.
for you. When did this happen dancing around you saw me...
blinded by the light
right.
something a bird told you where were you?
Nowhere.
a kiss of the hand I want to come with you wherever you go
I know you'll follow me.
Lovers, leaders, you protected me
I love that.
I love you. I really meant that.
always and forever.
current mood: loved
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| Friday, March 27th, 2009
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10:52 pm
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So i awake up at 7:45am after going to bed around 3am. I get up and I'm ready to start my day. quick shower and downstairs to breakfast... fortuneatly its free as I have maxed out one credit card and i am EXTREMELY close on another.... I don't care. this is a once in a lifetime experiance and one that will change my life forever. I feel that I shuld probably try to book a flight so I call the airline they find one for 6am sunday morning that will cost me $200 extra. I take it. I don't care about the money. money shouldn't stop someone from fullfilling their dreams and it will never stop me again...(maybe just slow me down a bit, but NEVER stop) I book the flight then head to wachovia for an extention on my credit limit. because I have extrememly great credit and always pay on time they are able to increase my limit by 2000 instantly. God IS here. So I went about my day. it was about 9am and all the stores were opening but I knew I wanted to go to canal street. To China town. i wanted to talk to all the street vendors and bargin with people and maybe buy a cute shirt that wouldnt cost a fortune. (and I did!) So I start walking....I walk and walk and people are so nice and really help me when I ask for directions. i arrive in chinatown. i get on canal street and spend some time taking photos (I have taken 8GB worth of photos) I also look around at all the cheap jewelry, knockoff sunglasses, and purses that I def. did not want to buy. I keep walking and coem across this cute clothing store i walk in and find THE cutest shirt that was black and silver...earlier I had bought some silver slip on shoes and the shirt matched them perfectly. I try it on, and decide to buy it and wear it out. so now my new Ney york outfit consists of A cute silver and black /dress/shirt purple leggings and matching silver shoes. PERFECT. I keep walking down canal st. My new camera was doing to me what my old one did to Rachel. When she hears the click on this baby she's not gonna have an orgasm.... she's gonna fukkin die happy. It makes me shiver. LOL seriously. so I'm walking and photographing and this guy stops me he introduces me to his friend keith who owns a camera store. I'm really happy at this point because before I got to canal street I came upon the new york times and inquired about a job there. The guy was impressed with what I told him and gave me contact info of the hiring photographer, told me to e-mail her and if she likes what she sees she will get back to me. I was stoked. I really did have an honest chance at moving here. anyways, back on canal street I meet Keith who owns a photograhy store. I sells me a fisheye lens that was 600 dollars for $200... he also gives me another 4gb card and 2 connection adapters for $14 we talk for a while and exchange info and he told me that he photographs professionaly and takes interns. I told him I would love to work with him and he introduces me to his friend who owns a photo store across the street named big mike. Hes a photographer as well and I give him my website and exchange info. he said that maybe tonight we would get together and take some photos...I told him to call me, but seriously. I'm gonna go to see mary poppins tonight. my feet hurt. So I have this fisheye lens. something that I've always wanted but never could make myself spend that much money. I felt seriously blessed. and lucky. and blissful. I was in Heaven. big mike told me to walk along canal street till I got to the brooklyn bridge and to take fulton st to the seaports in brooklyn. It was a looooong walk but I HAD to do it. when I got to the brooklyn bridge I was so happy I seriously cried. This time I had shoes on and a $2500 camera and I knew the cops wouldnt think I was a crazy girl. I was still kinda scared but I just acted liked I belonged. I stopped to talk to every person I took a photo of. I got thier story, where they were from and told them mine if they asked. a lot of people took my website.... I didnt bring business cards or have a pen, so I knew they wanted it if they dug for a pen and found some paper. when I got to brooklyn still on the bridge, just to spite the damn cops I took my shoes off. my feet were killing me. I kept right on walking. I finally reached brooklyn and still had no shoes on. I didnt care that the ground was dirty. If I could talk to Barefoot Wade right now I would tell him "I just walked in your shoes all over NEW YORK CITY!!!" He would laugh his funny laugh and listen to my story. right off the bridge there was a little park where people were walking dogs, playing frisbee, and rushing while talking on the phone. Yes. this was my city. As soon as I walked into Brooklyn I KNEW that this was where I would move. Maybe tomorrow I will go to cooney island. I still havent been there. but damn if I dont know my way around manhatten and brooklyn. I walked to the seaports and found myself getting hungry. by this time it was about 4pm. the only thing I had eaten was the free fresh fruit the hotel provided and a muffin. I stopped at a nice little restraunt on the water and had some pasta. Then I stepped out and photographed the seaport. I found myself fascinated by the children that were so amazed at the ferrys the water and who were eating ice cream. I sat down in a corner on the dock and began photographing the few kids that were around me with my fisheye lens. Beautiful. around 5:30 I had to start heading back to my hotel. one thing I noticed about new york is that the sunsets will NEVER be as beautiful as North Carolina's. But God knows I LOVE the city. I walk to the subway its getting near rush hour now. The subway is crowdedas I hop on the "A" train and ride to 34th st. My hotel is right across the street from Madison Square Garden. Lucky me. cheap and right in the center of everything. As I was getting out of MSG (which at first I thought was a park...but it's a shopping center...I think??) I started to think about how everyone was so nice and helpful and how I knew this city and was to the point where I was helping people find the way. I noticed that peole were actually waiting in line for taxis in front of MSG. I laughed. The line was REALLLLY long. not one of them was thinking...OH maybe if I walk up a block and jumped in a cab I wouldnt have to wait. LOL as soon as I thought that I girl stopped me. She was a few years younger than me and was really scared looking. she asked me... all these people are waiting in line for a cab. I laughed. I was like yeah, but if you go up one block and just get into one that was stopped you wont have to wait. she was like... "REALLY?!?!" (I thought to myself... yeah didn't you learn that from the movies and Sex in the City??") I was like yeah I'll show you, I'll get you a cab... we crossed the street where there were cabs just sitting there at a light. I opened the door and she got in. I was proud of myself. I took the long way back to my hotel despite my feet hurting. I hadnt been out walking in rush hour and I wanted to experiance the rush. Its not as fun as the rush of standing really close to an oncoming train though. That took my breath away. Feeling the wind whip my face and blow my hair and knowing it wouldnt hit me. being close enough to touch it as it sped right past. anyways...Here I am at my hotel... my flight leaves at 6am sunday morning so This will be my last night in this hotel and I will just stay awake and roam until I go to lagaurdia Sunday morning. I'm gonna rest and maybe venture out later if I feel like I can walk. LOL I've taken all the photos I can, if I take any more I would have to delete some.....
The rest is still unwritten.
current mood: creative
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6:10 pm - My awesome day
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So i awake up at 7:45am after going to bed around 3am. I get up and I'm ready to start my day. quick shower and downstairs to breakfast... fortuneatly its free as I have maxed out one credit card and i am EXTREMELY close on another.... I don't care. this is a once in a lifetime experiance and one that will change my life forever. I feel that I shuld probably try to book a flight so I call the airline they find one for 6am sunday morning that will cost me $200 extra. I take it. I don't care about the money. money shouldn't stop someone from fullfilling their dreams and it will never stop me again...(maybe just slow me down a bit, but NEVER stop) I book the flight then head to wachovia for an extention on my credit limit. because I have extrememly great credit and always pay on time they are able to increase my limit by 2000 instantly. God IS here. So I went about my day. it was about 9am and all the stores were opening but I knew I wanted to go to canal street. To China town. i wanted to talk to all the street vendors and bargin with people and maybe buy a cute shirt that wouldnt cost a fortune. (and I did!) So I start walking....I walk and walk and people are so nice and really help me when I ask for directions. i arrive in chinatown. i get on canal street and spend some time taking photos (I have taken 8GB worth of photos) I also look around at all the cheap jewelry, knockoff sunglasses, and purses that I def. did not want to buy. I keep walking and coem across this cute clothing store i walk in and find THE cutest shirt that was black and silver...earlier I had bought some silver slip on shoes and the shirt matched them perfectly. I try it on, and decide to buy it and wear it out. so now my new Ney york outfit consists of A cute silver and black /dress/shirt purple leggings and matching silver shoes. PERFECT. I keep walking down canal st. My new camera was doing to me what my old one did to Rachel. When she hears the click on this baby she's not gonna have an orgasm.... she's gonna fukkin die happy. It makes me shiver. LOL seriously. so I'm walking and photographing and this guy stops me he introduces me to his friend keith who owns a camera store. I'm really happy at this point because before I got to canal street I came upon the new york times and inquired about a job there. The guy was impressed with what I told him and gave me contact info of the hiring photographer, told me to e-mail her and if she likes what she sees she will get back to me. I was stoked. I really did have an honest chance at moving here. anyways, back on canal street I meet Keith who owns a photograhy store. I sells me a fisheye lens that was 600 dollars for $200... he also gives me another 4gb card and 2 connection adapters for $14 we talk for a while and exchange info and he told me that he photographs professionaly and takes interns. I told him I would love to work with him and he introduces me to his friend who owns a photo store across the street named big mike. Hes a photographer as well and I give him my website and exchange info. he said that maybe tonight we would get together and take some photos...I told him to call me, but seriously. I'm gonna go to see mary poppins tonight. my feet hurt. So I have this fisheye lens. something that I've always wanted but never could make myself spend that much money. I felt seriously blessed. and lucky. and blissful. I was in Heaven. big mike told me to walk along canal street till I got to the brooklyn bridge and to take fulton st to the seaports in brooklyn. It was a looooong walk but I HAD to do it. when I got to the brooklyn bridge I was so happy I seriously cried. This time I had shoes on and a $2500 camera and I knew the cops wouldnt think I was a crazy girl. I was still kinda scared but I just acted liked I belonged. I stopped to talk to every person I took a photo of. I got thier story, where they were from and told them mine if they asked. a lot of people took my website.... I didnt bring business cards or have a pen, so I knew they wanted it if they dug for a pen and found some paper. when I got to brooklyn still on the bridge, just to spite the damn cops I took my shoes off. my feet were killing me. I kept right on walking. I finally reached brooklyn and still had no shoes on. I didnt care that the ground was dirty. If I could talk to Barefoot Wade right now I would tell him "I just walked in your shoes all over NEW YORK CITY!!!" He would laugh his funny laugh and listen to my story. right off the bridge there was a little park where people were walking dogs, playing frisbee, and rushing while talking on the phone. Yes. this was my city. As soon as I walked into Brooklyn I KNEW that this was where I would move. Maybe tomorrow I will go to cooney island. I still havent been there. but damn if I dont know my way around manhatten and brooklyn. I walked to the seaports and found myself getting hungry. by this time it was about 4pm. the only thing I had eaten was the free fresh fruit the hotel provided and a muffin. I stopped at a nice little restraunt on the water and had some pasta. Then I stepped out and photographed the seaport. I found myself fascinated by the children that were so amazed at the ferrys the water and who were eating ice cream. I sat down in a corner on the dock and began photographing the few kids that were around me with my fisheye lens. Beautiful. around 5:30 I had to start heading back to my hotel. one thing I noticed about new york is that the sunsets will NEVER be as beautiful as North Carolina's. But God knows I LOVE the city. I walk to the subway its getting near rush hour now. The subway is crowdedas I hop on the "A" train and ride to 34th st. My hotel is right across the street from Madison Square Garden. Lucky me. cheap and right in the center of everything. As I was getting out of MSG (which at first I thought was a park...but it's a shopping center...I think??) I started to think about how everyone was so nice and helpful and how I knew this city and was to the point where I was helping people find the way. I noticed that peole were actually waiting in line for taxis in front of MSG. I laughed. The line was REALLLLY long. not one of them was thinking...OH maybe if I walk up a block and jumped in a cab I wouldnt have to wait. LOL as soon as I thought that I girl stopped me. She was a few years younger than me and was really scared looking. she asked me... all these people are waiting in line for a cab. I laughed. I was like yeah, but if you go up one block and just get into one that was stopped you wont have to wait. she was like... "REALLY?!?!" (I thought to myself... yeah didn't you learn that from the movies and Sex in the City??") I was like yeah I'll show you, I'll get you a cab... we crossed the street where there were cabs just sitting there at a light. I opened the door and she got in. I was proud of myself. I took the long way back to my hotel despite my feet hurting. I hadnt been out walking in rush hour and I wanted to experiance the rush. Its not as fun as the rush of standing really close to an oncoming train though. That took my breath away. Feeling the wind whip my face and blow my hair and knowing it wouldnt hit me. being close enough to touch it as it sped right past. anyways...Here I am at my hotel... my flight leaves at 6am sunday morning so This will be my last night in this hotel and I will just stay awake and roam until I go to lagaurdia Sunday morning. I'm gonna rest and maybe venture out later if I feel like I can walk. LOL I've taken all the photos I can, if I take any more I would have to delete some.....
The rest is still unwritten.
current mood: cheerful
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12:31 am - i thank God
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I thank God for giving me this opportunity. I am moving to New York city in the distant future and nothing and NO ONE can stop me from my dreams and goals. My heart is bigger than Greenville, My dreams are, and my soul is. Even though I've lived in the country all my life, in small quaint towns, in vast beautiful beach country girl towns.... I'm a city girl at Heart. i always have been and I always will be. I wont cry when I leave New York. but I will say sa ya soon. My destiny is here. My future is open. I am 25 years old and I have the WORLD at my fingertips. Talented, Smart, Single, and Beautiful. I can accomplish ANYTHING I set my mind to. I WILL accomplish every single goal I've ever had in my life. Moving to New York City is another I can cross off my list. Me and my 3 cats. I have walked all over the city tonight with my new Camera. I met some beautiful people, got 3 kisses on the cheeks from severly HOT guys. a SHITLOAD of people wanted my number and all I was doing was singing to myslef on the streets of New York City doing what I love. Taking photos. As long as I have what I love, speak the truth, and do what I love for the rest of my life i will be happy. Nothing in Greenville matters to me anymore. I always will have my true friends..... my lifelong friends that I met in college, and ones I met after...but moreover I will always have myself. and God. and that means more to me than any Man. boy. or trick. that will pass in and out of my life. How could I have POSSIBLY thought that I could stay in Greenville, get married there and live there happily for the rest of my life? I'm a freakin city girl and DAMNIT I will never forget it. NEVER. I will never forget this turning point in my life. and Honestly...i have Nathan to thank. so thank you. If you read this. thanks for giving me the best experiance I've ever had in my 25 years of life. Thank you. Thank you thank YOU. even if you hate me, even if you never want to talk to me again, even when I gave you an idea, and everyone stole it from me and created something better. I THANK YOU. and I can thank myself. because even though I might not be around or even working on the magazine there... I will always know where the idea came from, who put it all together, who brought us all together, and i will definatly keep tabs on how your magazine does and help you guys if you want me to... weather its from Greenville, NC or NEW YORK CITY.
But I beg you Nathan.... and this is NOT a demand.
Take the ticket.
Have your own New York City experiance. Please don't let it go to waste because honestly I will NEVER regret giving someone... anyone... a gift like this. I will NEVER ask anything from you for that. A Gift is something given Freely and not expecting something back. and even if you don't ever say one word to me again... I hope you would write about your trip and let me read it. This is me being sincere and honest as I always try to be.
just remember...
that I was the girl that accepted you as a writer without reading your work or looking at credentials, and maybe gave you a chance to feel like you had a larger purpose in life.
remember I was the girl that gave you a bigger and better destination than working at places like walmart and chenellos, I helped turn your ideas into reality and NEVER once bashed on you for anything.
remember that I was the girl who put up with awkward moments and silly times that embarressed the shit out of me, but still loved you as a person.
remember I was the girl who was so awed by your design talent that I couldn't even beleive you would want to take time out of your busy schedule to do design stuff for me.... for free.
I tried my hardest, I did my best, and I know I'll always find my path with God leading me there.
New York City watch out.
You're my destination.
current mood: blessed current music: One Headlight
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| Thursday, March 26th, 2009
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5:48 pm
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It seems on a spontanious descion, I have not only possibly lost great friends, but a career option that I truely loved. I talked to robert and he said that they have decieded that they want to go off in their own directyion with a new magazine and a new name. honestly I was a bit releived. I have some really awesome ideas, and I'm a really good photographer. but having the responsiblitiy of actually owning something all by myself really scared me. I kne I could do it. i knew I was capable. but I don't really have enough authority, and maybe I'm a little too spontanious to even handle something like that. I'm excited that Nathan, robert and josh are continuing with the magazine project. I really think this is a great thing for Greenville and the name of it doesnt even matter! I still consider these people true friends. I really hope they decide to keep me on with their project. honestly I had already told robert that I was gonna make all of them partners and i always felt that we were all in this together, not that I was the boss. robert told me some things that were in an e-mial that I havent checked yet. and I really need to apologize to josh for seeming harsh are acting like I didn't like his designs. One thing EVERYONE needs to know about me is that I cope with things by being mean to people. and to me it's joking and the friends I have that have known me for a long time know this about me and accept this. I really hope these new friends/ coworkers can accept me as a person as I have accepted all of them. I truely apologize for anything I've dont to hurt anyone, especially Josh. I am so sorry I hurt your feelings and I honestly think you're a wonderful and VERY talented designer. and I want to beg you to let me continue to work as a team with you. going to new york was something I needed to do for myself. True I wanted Nathan to come with me, and True I had a huge crush on him. He doesnt feel the same way. I can get past that. I want everyone to know that On this trip I found God again. I will no longer be getting drunk and maybe I will start going to church again somewhere... but honestly I havent belonged to a church in 10 years and going back scared be before this trip. I had to take this trip alone. I had to know that I AM 25 years old, I'm capable of doing anything I want (even if it's maxing out my credit card) I needed to know that I can survive in a different city on my own and that maybe one day I can actually MOVE out of greeenville on my own and not be so scared. I beleived that this trip is one i will never forget. I cannont beleive that I'm actually here and ON MY OWN. I hope you guys can understand. I'm somewhat of a sheltered child and my destiny is bigger than Greenville. This trip proved to me that I can maybe start looking for jobs in other states and even though I would be alone and on my own, I will be OK!!! I've been searching for this feeling for 25 years. I found not only God on this trip, but a new stregnth in myslef as well. In the process i hope I havent lost friends, or the chance to start something and be a part of something big in Greenville. I BEG you guys to let me work with you. I also beg you to tell me when I do stupid shit. Explain to me the reason why you dont want me to act crazy. I can NEVER get mad at someone if they tell me the truth, even if it might hurt my feelings. it's better for me to know, suck it up, and change (without being mad) than for you guys to let me keep acting stupid or hurting you. Please understand that I'm not mad and I really hope you arent either. If you guys want me to work with you, I would be delighted, but if not I will understand. But just know, i've brought each of you a present from New York city, because you guys were a really big part of my experiance, in life, as well as this trip. by the way I have a 20 chapter book I wrote about getting detained for no shoes by the cops at the brooklyn bridge and my stay in the worst hospital ever. They didnt detain me because I was crazy. They did it because I had no shoes. Talk to Thomas. They detained him for picking an apple off a tree, took him to a hospital just like they did me....and now I understand that the cops in NYC don't PLAY!!!! but seriously all is well with me. I found God, I found myself, and hopefully we can all continue to remain friends and business parteners if you will let me.
If you do, I would love to write a blog on the web page and do photography. I feel like people would enjoy my crazy writings and absurd opinions about life.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me work with you guys. I'm gonna check my e-mail now and If any of you would like to call me feel free. I will be home sometime tomorrow.
Love, Crystal
current mood: blessed
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| Monday, March 9th, 2009
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2:50 am - I've got to get ready to go to New York on Wed
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....
so now I have caution tape.
The park flooded. People are idiots so of course they put barricades and caution tape up so stupid idiots won't drive into the water. Like stupid idiots.
So I stole it.
after
a long talk in the park with a friend
secret messages in songs that have played over and over in my life
A phone call to ryan at exactly 1am. he answered. of course.
a 11 second panic attack.
cleaning out the trash in my car.
Which lead me to stealing the caution tape.
which is now in the place of all the trash that was in my car.
and where the hell did a bright green outback t-shirt come from? whoever left it in my car, it now has snot on it.
Please take it back.
I figured that if someone wanted to drive into the Goddamn water that bad... Caution tape wouldn't stop them. Remove the caution.
People aren't that stupid.
current mood: accomplished
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| Sunday, March 8th, 2009
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12:01 pm - For real
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I'm gonna be SERIOUSLY pissed if you're not making a movie out of whats happening like I TOLD YOU TO.
the whole world NEEDS TO KNOW.
current mood: amused
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| Wednesday, March 4th, 2009
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9:35 am - "The quest for the perfect Oatmeal."
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This morning I wake up from a VERY restful nights sleep, I didn't wake up once. No sleeping pills at all thank you. and realize that I needed to eat some Oatmeal. Lately I have been going to starbucks and getting "the perfect Oatmeal" but yes. I realize that it's equivalent to one tiny instant oatmeal packet with a bunch of other shit added to it.
So...
I wake up feeling that I should go find a huge bowl of the best oatmeal EVER!
IHOP naturally is my first choice.
I get to IHOp and don't see oatmeal on the menu. I ask the waitress about it. she says, yeah we have oatmeal. I say well can you put raisins in it. She looks at me funny, goes, no. we don't have raisins or brown surgar...we cant add anything to it.
At this point I'm getting an attitude in my head. I'm thinking. Really? did you just tell me no?? do you know who I am? I order a water and tell her to come back. I look over the menu several times... then started thinking. ok. I want Oatmeal. I dont want anything else. If this lady doesn't work with me and add what I want to the damn oatmeal I'm leaving. So she comes back and I start asking questions... I ask her how much a bowl is since it wasnt on the menu, and she looks at me and says... I dont know but I can go check. At this point my attitude is growing. I feel myself roll my eyes at her in my mind. While she was gone I kinda realized though that this might be a test and I'm actually at IHOP for a purpose. the lady goes on to explain that the only thing she could do was add the nutty topping that goes on the pancakes. I think to myself at this moment. NO. If I really want this "Perfect Oatmeal" I will not stop until I have it.
So I did something I have never done before.
I smile, (genuinely) and say umm, thats ok. I'll go somewhere else.
at this point the waitress is like "oh shit. I just lost a tip" so she tries real hard to convince me to stay. I say no, it's ok. (she really wants to save her ass, seeing as how she knows I go to IHOP all the time) She smiles and says have a good day. I do the same. and I really meant it. all attitude gone from my being. I walk out smiling and once I get out the door I start giggling.
I realized then I knew what I want. I didn't know where it was, or where I would end up. But DAMN I was gonna fucking get it if I had to walk out of every restaurant in Greenville.
So my journey continues.
I go to the next best place.
Waffle house.
in my head I'm listing every single place that had a chance of having "The perfect Oatmeal"
I walk in to waffle house expecting this to be the final destination. The second stop. My second chance.
I walk in, sit down in the non smoking section and the waitress comes up to me. I immediately ask her if they have Oatmeal.
She says no. But we have grits. this revelation actually was quite shocking to me. I REALLY thought that this would be my last stop. I look over the menu and my mouth starts watering when I see the cinnamon raisin bread I love there. ...and God knows I love grits.
NO.
I will not settle for less than perfect I told myself.
this time no attitude came. I smiled at the lady and said. "Hey do yo you know anywhere that has really good oatmeal?"
She's really friendly and replies. Actually yeah. Crakel Barrel has some great oatmeal. and I think they have different types. In my head I thought, "OH shit!! that wasn't even on my list!! I forgot they served breakfast!!"
I replied... "Great! I think I'll go there. "
"I'm really searching for some good oatmeal today"
She smiled again and was really friendly. She said... "Well ask for Kelly. She looks exactly like me"
I said ok, I will, and walked out of Waffle house laughing.
I got to crakel Barrel.
I said to myself. well i think I will trust that women and realize that maybe the third time is a charm.
I walked in, and while I was walking I asked myself... should i really ask for Kelly? She doesn't know me... would that be weird?
I got to the hostess and decided that since the lady happily turned away my business to help me achieve my goal this morning, the least I could do was ask for Kelly. who knows. Maybe this would brighten her day as much as it was mine.
I told the hostess I was supposed to ask for Kelly... kind of thinking that she wouldn't really have a clue what I was talking about.
She just smiled, said ok, and led me to a table.
I immediately recognized Kelly. She really did look exactly like her sister. I thought maybe they were twins. I debated about mentioning that her sister sent me over, but when she started taking my order I decided she deserved to know... and maybe this would be a funny story they could share together. She took my drink order and I said... "Your sister sent me over here" she was like really? I said yeah and proceeded to tell her the story about my quest for the perfect Oatmeal.
and... to say the least... I found "The perfect Oatmeal"
yeah. It took 3 times.
But everyone knows that the third time is a charm.
current mood: cheerful current music: random
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7:36 am
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| Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
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9:09 pm
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I had a conversation with my sister about God. for the first time I didn't argue, I just listed. I didn't feel threatened. and while we were talking, my tv was in "no signal" mode. All of a sudden, during our conversation about God, the tv flashed so bright I thought it was lightning, then turned itself off. I think God is trying to tell me something here.
you know what I'm sayin?
current mood: calm
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